areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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