I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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