i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
