Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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