Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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