i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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