you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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