I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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