im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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