He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's JV to your varsity
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
