The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
