I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
