Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
