Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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