I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
