I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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