you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
