when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have fence marks all over my body
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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