I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
