I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
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I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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