hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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