You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
