I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
