I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
