I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
