Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she peed on how many people?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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