How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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