??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
