we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
