I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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