in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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