i just had sex bonerless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
