I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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