hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
