I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its liver damage thursday
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
