bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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