I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
