dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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