went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
