There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
