Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
