I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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