Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
