I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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