My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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