He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
