We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
