She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
