whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
