I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How's work?
Spinning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
