Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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