Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
