I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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