he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
