He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
