I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
