he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
