wanna go halves on a baby?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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