I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
