You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
