highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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