Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
