He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
