I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
